Being Better
October 24, 2025
I was at an alumni meet & greet event the other day, and I asked a question that’s something along the line of:
“In times of uncertainty like these, what can we (grad students) really do to be successful?”
Obviously, I couldn’t get a straight answer, but this advice caught my attention: “Look for consistent ways to scale your learning.”
It is a great idea and I did appreciate the advice. But after thinking about it for an unnecessarily length of time, I thought I’d rephrase it as this question: What can you do better everyday?
And I don’t mean that better as in learning how to code or design better or “network with 10 strangers in your industry” kind of better. I meant more along the line of being better as a person.
Maybe it’s because I’ve finally matured enough to more critically introspect, I’ve been reflecting more on this topic in the past few years. Because “being better” doesn’t have a singular, objective definition — and being better in one sense often contradicts another. For instance, we can’t decide to be better at our job without necessarily sacrificing some other aspects of our life. We only have 24 hours and so much energy to spare every day.
Ironically, this realization helped me found an answer to the question I asked in the first place. Maybe the point isn’t about trying to be as successful as possible, right?
I think (or, at least, I believe) it’s more important and productive to consistently try to be a better friend, partner, and family member. I’m not saying we should let go of our career goals; I’m saying that, during difficult times, we shouldn’t fixate on the narrow definition of success and lose sight of the reason that drives us to want to be successful in the first place… And even if we’re only pursuing success for our own sake, we ought to be kinder towards ourselves.
It’s easy to measure success in one’s career, but it’s so much harder to know what you’re doing right as a person, because the feedback loop is usually delayed. It’s not until several months or years or even decades later that we’d see the time we invest into ourselves and our relationships bear fruit.
I’m reminded of this excerpt that I clipped a while back:
When people who have a high need for achievement have an extra half hour of time or an extra ounce of energy, they’ll unconsciously allocate it to activities that yield the most tangible accomplishments. And our careers provide the most concrete evidence that we’re moving forward. You ship a product, finish a design, complete a presentation, close a sale, teach a class, publish a paper, get paid, get promoted.
In contrast, investing time and energy in your relationship with your spouse and children typically doesn’t offer that same immediate sense of achievement. Kids misbehave every day. It’s really not until 20 years down the road that you can put your hands on your hips and say, “I raised a good son or a good daughter.” You can neglect your relationship with your spouse, and on a day-to-day basis, it doesn’t seem as if things are deteriorating. People who are driven to excel have this unconscious propensity to under-invest in their families and over-invest in their careers—even though intimate and loving relationships with their families are the most powerful and enduring source of happiness.
I’m gonna try to be better everyday.